New Year’s Resolutions That Really Make a Difference

As hard to believe as it might be, we're fast approaching the end of another year. This morning, as I was drinking my coffee, I found myself reflecting on the past year and thinking about what I might want to focus on and achieve in 2020.

I'm usually not overly serious about new year's resolutions, but I do often feel a bit of extra motivation and inspiration at the beginning of a new year. Somehow, a new year seems to come with the promise of new opportunities.

2019 has been an intense, roller-coaster year for me with incredible highs but also some lows and challenges. I believe that challenges and setback are an opportunity to learn about ourselves. What I have learned in 2019 is that, while life is great and I am very happy, there is more work to be done and the possibility of being even happier if I work on a few things. And why not use the new year as a reason to get started.  

So as the caffeine was slowly kicking in and I was coming to life, I found myself thinking about what I want to change or achieve in 2020 to make that possibility a reality. The first things that came to mind were the usual suspects: eat better more consistently and exercise more.

But as I thought about these 'goals', I couldn't help but roll my eyes at myself.

I've been struggling with those things for as long as I can remember, and I probably will for the rest of my life. If there were a way to ‘solve’ those problems for good I’m pretty sure I would have found it by now. It’s not to say that they shouldn’t be my goals but, quite frankly, as far as new year’s resolutions go, they are worn out, boring and not even overly meaningful.  

I wanted a new year's resolution that would really make a difference in my life – now and in the long-term.

So back to the drawing board. What do I want to achieve in the coming year? What would really help me be even happier? 

I want to do everything I can to make my book a success. I want to write another book. I want to do a big South Island road trip. I want to improve my surfing and learn new kitesurfing tricks. I want to save up more money. I want to learn new things. 

Those are all great goals. I plan to work towards all of them in 2020, but somehow they didn't feel significant and meaningful enough to be my new year's resolutions. In a way, they all seem too easy. I can achieve all of them. I just need to make them a priority and make the right decisions.

I didn't feel like achieving these goals would really make a significant difference in my life.

So I did what you do these days when you don't know the answer to a question: I googled "meaningful new year's resolutions". I skimmed over a few articles and saw a few that resonated with me. Things like; see setbacks as opportunities, unplug from the internet for a day every now and then, don't commit to something you don't really want to do, and a few others along similar lines.

They all seemed like good goals, but I struggled to genuinely feel excited about them.

At this point, I wondered if maybe I was approaching the whole new year’s resolution thing the wrong way. All my goals, and most of those I read online, were about doing or not doing something. Nothing wrong with that as such. However, I believe that true happiness is not so much about what we do and don't do, but about how we FEEL about ourselves and what happens. 

So maybe, if the end goal is to be happier, new year’s resolutions should be more about how we want to feel and less about what we want to do and don’t do.  

How would the way I feel about myself, my life and the world, in general, have to change for me to be even happier than I already am?

I would have to feel more confident. I would have to feel less doubt about the choices I make. I would have to feel more loved. I would have to feel more worthy of people’s time, friendship and love. I would have to feel more important. I would have to feel more – more of everything. I would have to feel like I can be honest and just be me in every situation in life. 

As I thought about all this, it slowly came to me. My new year’s resolution for 2020 is to increase my capacity for love ­– starting with self-love. 

That is what would really make a difference!  

I don’t know yet how I will go about achieving my 2020 goal of experiencing more self-love.

But I know that’s the goal I need to work towards to be happier.  

My book being a success, doing a big South Island road trip and being fit and healthy sound great. And they probably would make me happy – at least temporarily. But I realise that the increase in happiness that achieving those goals could give me is nothing compared to how much happier I would be if I could change the way I feel about myself and life in general.  

And I've got a feeling that might be true for many other people as well. We all often seem to be so focused on what we should and shouldn't do to be happier that we maybe forget that happiness is not so much about what we do but about how we feel.

So if you're someone who likes to make new year's resolutions, maybe consider this. Don't just limit yourself to goals that require you to DO or NOT DO certain things and instead ask yourself how changing the way you FEEL would improve your life for the better. 

Changing the way we feel is probably a lot harder than changing what we do, but I've got a feeling that it will be worth the extra effort. I'll let you know in 12 months if I was right!