There’s no Need to be so Mean!
Is it just me or does passing judgement seem like society’s new favourite pastime?
I feel like every second post I see on social media has comments from people judging and condemning each other’s comments and behaviour. And all too often, the words they used to do so are mean, nasty and sometimes even threatening.
I know it’s not exactly a ‘Life Done Differently’ topic, but I can’t stop thinking about this. It worries me to see the increase in people being mean to each other at a time when we should all be supporting each other.
Is this a side-effect of COVID19? Or has the virus just amplified it?
Why? Why the need to abuse and insult people who we don’t agree with?
I can understand that someone who follows all the rules gets frustrated with seeing others break them. I can absolutely understand that people are scared about these lockdowns killing the economy, their jobs and their freedom. For many of us, this is the first real global crisis we experience. We never before had to deal with this much uncertainty and loss of control. I can understand that people are scared, angry and frustrated.
But why the need to be so mean to each other?
Why do people threaten strangers and call them incredible rude names? Why can’t we say that we disagree without insulting anyone? Is it just emotions flying high? Is it just because social media is such an easy outlet for these aggressions?
It’s not just social media, though. Read through some of the comments on news articles or the opinion pieces that get published on numerous platforms, and you find the same overly aggressive and nasty tone there. And it’s not just people from one side of the divide either. There are just as many rude comments from people who are pro lockdowns then there are from those who are against it. Some of the people making these comments are well-educated individuals who, otherwise, seem like friendly people.
Even I have been tempted once or twice in the last few weeks.
Mind you, I would never call someone I don’t even know an idiot (or much worse) on social media. But I have to admit, that I’ve seen some comments, questions and photos that made my blood boil and made me want to tell others in no uncertain terms how much I disagree with their behaviour or comments (I maybe have even called them stupid in my head). And I’ve definitely been feeling this urge more often lately than I usually would.
So why is that? Why are we so quick to judge and condone other people’s opinions and actions? Why do other people’s views and actions trigger some people to publicly abuse and threaten someone they’ve never even met?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot and haven’t really found an answer yet. But I think a lack of true understanding and empathy for each other is a big reason.
It is incredibly hard for us to walk in someone else’s shoes.
I think we often assume that all of us have the same starting point. We assume that staying at home for 5+ weeks is equally hard for all of us, so those who break the rules are just not doing their best – which is why we get overly frustrated when we see rule breakers. We assume that understanding what’s going on and keeping up with the news and latest developments is equally easy for all of us, so someone asking an obvious question or not following the rules must be stupid, lazy or selfish. We assume that dealing with the uncertainty and lack of control we’re experiencing at the moment is equally stressful for all of us, so those who aren’t coping well aren’t trying hard enough.
Add to that the fear, frustration, desperation and sense of grief that comes with a global pandemic and you can see how emotions are running high, and people don’t always succeed in keeping their tone and language in check.
We see someone ask a question, and just because the answer is obvious to us, we assume it should be to everyone else and call the person an idiot (even if it’s only in our heads). We see someone breaking the rules, and just because we have been able to control our urges, we assume they should be able to do it too, not considering that it might be much harder for them – so we call them lazy or ignorant. We see someone using crude language and assume they must be a mean person, not considering that maybe no one ever taught them how to communicate differently. So we reply with equally crude language instead of breaking the chain, even though we DO know better.
We forget that we don’t all have the same starting point. Things like our personality, environment, upbringing, support system, experiences, intellectual and emotional intelligence and many other factors impact how we deal with different situations.
And a lot of that is down to luck!
Some people are lucky enough to have personalities and support systems that make a situation like the current pandemic more bearable. Some of us are lucky enough to have the brainpower to process the information available to us faster and instinctively understand what’s right and wrong for the greater good. Some people have a heightened sense of empathy, so they find it easier to relate to others, be kind and be forgiving. Some of us have been lucky enough to have been raised in an environment that taught us how to deal with stress and emotions in ways that don’t hurt others and how to put others ahead of ourselves.
Not everyone has been that lucky.
I think it’s worth remembering and appreciating that fact more often.
So when we see people breaking the rules, maybe we take a minute to consider that they might be having a much harder time sticking to the rules than we do, or that they maybe don’t have the clarity and experience to understand the true impact of their actions. When we see someone share an opinion we don’t agree with, maybe we consider that their opinion is the result of their circumstances, and just because it’s different from ours, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And even when we see someone behave in a way that could put all of us at risk, maybe we take a minute to consider that they just weren’t lucky enough to grow up in an environment that taught them right from wrong and how to deal with stressful times like these.
Maybe next time we see someone break the rules, we try to truly walk in their shoes for a minute, instead of just judging their behaviour from our point of view.
Maybe we consider that someone else is putting in twice as much effort as we do, but still doesn’t succeed, due to their environment, upbringing or personality.
Maybe we consider that one of the reasons we’re able to stick to the rules, understand what’s going on and what’s required from us is down to luck more so than anything else.
Of course, that should be no excuse to break the rules and do whatever we want. We all have a responsibility to do the best we can – and then a bit more. But we also have a responsibility to be kind and supportive and remember that the current situation is much easier to understand and manage for some of us than it us for others.
However, as much as I can empathise and admit that the current situation is much harder for some of us than others, I still cannot explain the second part to the problem:
Why do we need to use such hurtful and aggressive language when we disagree with each other?
Is it because it makes people feel powerful and in control for a minute? Does it make people feel strong and good about themselves?
To me, there is absolutely no excuse to insult, abuse or threaten anyone no matter how much we disagree with them and how stupid their opinion or actions might seem from our point of view – remember, that’s just our point of view.
I think the current situation would be much less stressful and emotionally draining for ALL of us if we would be nice to each other and share our opinions in polite, caring words.